This guest post comes from Danielle Adams - a freelance writer who works with Lifestar Therapy and has guest posted here before. Danielle is committed to helping people practice open communication and build healthy relationships. If you too are interested in guest posting on my blog, please visit my Guest Post guidelines for more info.
Mainstream media has long been pushing to normalize and romanticize pornography and sexual addiction and make it a part of everyday life. The media regularly promotes characters who indulge in sexual behaviors such as BDSM, pornography use, and visits to strip clubs as if there’s no harm in these practices.
The objectification of both men and women in all forms of media shows no sign of slowing and continues to harm the way millions of people view and treat others. Movies like 50 Shades of Grey portray abusive relationships lacking in respect as alluring, exciting, and sexy.
The truth is, sexually addictive behavior is harmful, to both men and women, and especially within a relationship. Despite what the media might suggest about such behavior harming no one, these addictions destroy trust, self-esteem, intimacy and the ability to bond with and love another person fully. A healthy relationship is possible, even if sexual addiction currently threatens the strength of your current relationship.
Move toward a happier and healthier life with those you love by taking the following tips to heart:
Start With Yourself
The first step toward a healthier relationship is to acknowledge your part as an individual in the breakdown of trust and unity. If you have a bad pornography habit that you can’t kick, if you struggle with flirtations outside of your relationship, or any other sexual behavior that is harming your relationship’s strength, start by admitting it. Admit the struggle to yourself and your partner and be upfront and open about the struggle.
Resist playing down the effects of your addiction, even if it’s hard to admit to your partner and to yourself. Until you can honestly acknowledge your sexual addiction struggles, you can’t go very far toward a happier relationship.
If it’s your partner who struggles, talk to them about how you want to see it through with them and build a healthier bond, but you need them to be honest and upfront about their addiction.
Create Boundaries and Stick to Them
Once you and your partner have identified the struggles that either one of you, or both of you, deal with, it’s time to set some solid boundaries. Bear in mind that both men and women struggle with addictions to pornography or infidelity and these practices hurt all involved. Both of you may be dealing with personal addictions at once. Come together and establish boundaries for preventing future mistakes.
This may mean avoiding certain bars or clubs, not staying out past a certain hour, sharing passwords to laptops and smartphones, installing software to block certain kinds of apps and websites, etc. Whatever boundaries you agree upon, you have to stick to them together to progress.
Communicate Regularly and Openly
Regular communication between partners is crucial in kicking any harmful habit. Follow up with each other regularly to touch base on what kind of progress is being made, what is and isn’t working as far as boundaries are concerned, and about the pitfalls and hardships that still arise.
Share your feelings of disappointment, optimism, hope, and hurt. Show patience with each other as changes take place and confide in your partner should any slip ups take place.
Replace Bad Habits with Good Ones
To really kick a bad habit, a good habit should take its place. This good habit may be a new sport or workout routine, pursuing a forgotten talent, or a new hobby that you can both enjoy together. As you weed out sexual addictions that hurt your relationship, put in their place healthy habits that encourage loyalty and commitment.